These last few months have been a roller coaster. Seeking balance in my life is made even more difficult when waiting for the other shoe to drop. My sister says that the craziness with Dad began 16 months ago and in thinking back I would have to agree. Why else would he have had his 80 year old sister drive in from Pittsburgh to help him escape from the rehabilitation center to go get his car? Why else would he have driven his car back to the facility and leave it in the parking lot so that he could leave every day ? It did not make sense, nor did it make sense that the facility did not report the fact that he was not able to get out of his car and had to call for a wheelchair or that he left his car running in the parking lot after one of his little trips. He was so sure that we, his daughters, were attempting to control his life. Why in the world would I want to control the life of my 83 year old father? The balance I seek is for me because even I know that the only person I can change is me.
Maybe the comparison to a roller coaster is incorrect; roller coaster rides eventually end and unless your eyes are closed you can see the next dip, loop, hill and drop. Dealing with my father is more like walking through a maze in the dark and blindfolded. You not only can't see what is ahead but there are so many twists and turns that even if you could see it would not help. It is important to remember that you need to rely on all of your senses to help balance your world.
